That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
