We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
