Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
