I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
