I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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