In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
