don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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