i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
