Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
