I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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