Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
