marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
