i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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