so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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