My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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