you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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