If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
