considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
