Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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