She said her name was "party"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
