I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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