You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
