I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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