They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
