Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
