I wish I could teleport
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
