Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
