i was born a porn star she said
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
