alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
