with your own penis?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
