Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
