walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I looked at my own cervix.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
