How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
