I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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