I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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