I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
