The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Someone came in the potted fern
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
