Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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