Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
