she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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