My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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