how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
