If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
