my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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