Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
