Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
