In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
