I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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