Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
