i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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