I think im going to throw up on grandma
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
