I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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