Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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