Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
