if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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