I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Alive.
So much puke
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
