I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
