I wish my penis had an off switch
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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