Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
