Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
