highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
